I haven’t felt very happy the last few days.
So many things that somehow did manage to irritate and annoy me (if you only heard my subway stories...)
Why do I use the word manage? Because usually, I don’t get thrown off my balance and my peaceful state of mind that easily. I often imagine myself being water and flow around the rocks in my way. If there are any... ;)
So after few cry sessions and yoga classes and journaling and meditating, I remembered again what the remedy is in such situations: To Give Myself Love.
Self love is the foundation for everything and this is what I have been preaching to everybody needing advice for the past two years. However, when it comes to my own sad moments, I am surprised how easily it slips through my consciousness. When after some dreadful and anxious hours or days, I remember it myself or a friend reminds me that I just have to take care of myself a little more.
(This is why every coach has a coach :) the view from outside is usually so much clearer than what we see when we are in the situation ourselves.)
So I was passing a farmers market on my way home from yoga and got some happy chicken eggs. Sitting in the train, my thoughts frantically ran first to my to-do list. I caught my ego luring me into a spiral of panic that I wouldn’t be able to get everything done, talked with it and managed to calm it a little bit down. It is remarkable how fast my ego did let go of me and a whole new creative space opened up in my mind and I was able to come up with so many new ideas for my website, blog and business in general.
But the most important realization was the one about self care; I decided that everything can wait until I cooked a beautiful breakfast for myself first thing when I came home.
Why is this decision so important to me? Because I am a recovering self denier.
I used to proudly say that I am not capable of cooking for myself, only for other people. I didn’t see a point in eating by myself; I saw it as a social happening. I used to snack and graze through the day without sitting down or neglecting hunger and not eat at all.
I used to glorify busy. Loved bragging that I worked 12 hours a day. Or that I didn’t sleep for three nights because an essay or other project was due in three days (thit sums up pretty accurately my 15 years of school and university studies).
I didn’t value my time. I used to rush to everything. I wanted to please everyone (baked cakes in the middle of exams). Sleepless nights? A regular happening. Nothing worth talking about.
You get the idea and maybe can find yourself in this picture.
When I came to New York and embarked on my spiritual quest for happiness, the main thing I had to learn was self love.
I have been practicing taking more and more care of myself from day one and will never stop.
It means self acceptance, non judgement and creating a loving relationship with yourself and your body. It’s like building a relationship with another person, especially if this relationship was not a healthy one for probably 26 years... Why should my body trust me, if I did let her down most of the times in the past? Why should she all of a sudden know that I am listening to her? That I will stand up and protect her when I know that something is not healthy for her?
A lot of feeling, tears, forgiveness letters to myself and many other people, cutting cord meditations and countless hours of journaling.
I look back at the things that I made my body endure in the past and break down in tears. I asked the little girl in me million times for forgiveness for not taking proper care of myself and letting certain people walk all over me, abuse me emotionally and treat me how I would never treat anyone.
We are on our way to a relationship of mutual trust and understanding. It is a life long journey and I enjoy it :)
I would like to inspire you to embark on your own journey of self love. Join me on Instagram and Facebook where I post my self love moments of the day and let me know what your experiences are with your body and what you think about self love.
Sending you tons of love <3